You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
