If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
