I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
