I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
