I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Less talking, more tequila
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
