He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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