Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
