i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
