it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
please don't ironically join a cult
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