i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
