next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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