My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
