you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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