I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
