Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
