You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
