I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize