she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i came on her dog
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
