Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nutella sex= disaster
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
