dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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