so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
