Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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