I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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