you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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