You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
