you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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