I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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