Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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