New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
