So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
