Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
