You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We need to feng shui this bitch.
false alarm, still single
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
