11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
