Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
