I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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