oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
