Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
