4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.