Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby