they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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