Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
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Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.