What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.