she was so not down for the gang bang
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
