I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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