I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
