Can i not drive my cunt home
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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