Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
