My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
