My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
