I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A+ Viking dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
