i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I want to fling myself into the sun
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize