Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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