Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
