I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
