took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
