So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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