It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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