I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
